Daydreams
by butterfly collective
Summary: Glimpses of her relationship with Matt go through C.J.'s head. Just a little exercise.


C.J. picked up the shot glass and swallowed the tequila all at once. It burned her throat and flushed her skin. She looked over at Pam and Slim who were sitting at the table laughing at the comedian on the stage.

They'd all come here after Matt and Vince had decided to go to the fights. They were off doing some male bonding after their return from the Bahamas.

C.J. and Mama Novelli had gotten all dressed up in their best to go to the opera. So had Matt and Vince, wearing nice tuxes…and Matt always looked so fine dressed in anything including black tie. She's been looking forward to spending some time with him that didn't involve getting kidnapped and held for ransom by terrorists. Maybe after the opera finished they could go take a walk around the music center where the trees were lit up by colorful lights. The reflecting pool glowed at night, in three different colors and often there were food trucks selling different cuisines including fusion food.

But Matt and Vince had played the women for fools and had stood them up, sneaking down the elevator. Mama had taken off soon after to go play some poker while C.J. had called Pam to ask her if she wanted to go to the comedy club.

Pam said okay, and then asked if she could call Slim who had just returned from a surfing competition. Her relationship with Cal had grown more serious since his company had agreed to sponsor her. He seemed like a nice enough guy, his bronzed body looking pretty hot in his bodysuit.

Slim had been up for going out so they had met at the club and pretty soon the tequila had started flowing.

"He really took off with Vince and left you waiting for him?"

C.J. cast a glance at an incredulous Slim and nodded.

"Well if he didn't want to go with Mama and me he should have just said so."

Slim sighed pouring herself another shot from the pitcher.

"Typical man…I mean I can understand not going to the opera."

C.J. arched her brow.

"It was in Italian…Mama had bought the tickets weeks ago."

Slim drunk down her shot and then looked at her.

"Face it C.J…guys don't like to sit in cramped seats wearing suits and listening to opera when they could be out watching men in silk trunks pound the stuffing out of each other."

C.J. sighed.

"You might be right but I thought it'd be a great way to unwind after that whole terrorist thing."

Pam blanched.

"That was just awful…I mean I didn't know what had happened. When I found Matt passed out on the couch at work when I thought he was with you in the Bahamas, I didn't know what to think."

Slim frowned.

"Passed out?"

Pam nodded.

"He just acted so confused…told me that I should just take off and spend time with the guy who didn't complain about my overtime which was kind of sweet of him."

Slim smiled, reaching for the pitcher.

"Yeah Matt's very sweet," she said, "He let me keep that black Porsche I souped up for him."

C.J. remembered that car. Matt had driven it once with a blond socialite riding shotgun and then had returned it to the garage. She didn't know that he'd given it to Slim. Pam reached for some chips and dipped them in the hottest salsa sold in the bar.

"Hey but when he woke up or regained consciousness or whatever, yours was the first name past his lips."

C.J. tilted her head.

"That's because he was looking at me all tied up when Marquis shot him with the tranquilizer gun."

"Oh…well the important thing is that you both came back alive," Pam continued, "and Marquis is now in prison with his son where they both belong."

Yeah, C.J. had been relieved about that. Vince had truly returned with the cavalry to the island. The armed forces had rushed into the rubble of the compound where she'd been held hostage and rounded up the remaining terrorists. After the dust had cleared, she had just wanted to get out of there and Matt did too so they went back to his Lear jet, even leaving their luggage behind.

But when the jet touched down in L.A. and they left the airport to go to their homes, life had settled back to normal.

Matt had accepted their first new case a couple of days later.

"So he doesn't have any plans to go check out Murray's new business deal at the resort?"

C.J. shook her head, feeling suddenly warm. She forgot how many shots she had drunk but she felt more than a bit buzzed. It didn't matter, because Pam had driven them all to the club and she'd kept the drinking of tequila to a minimum.

But C.J. had wanted to get out and cut a bit loose since she'd returned from her adventure on Marquis Island, she'd just spent the last week working late because Murray had left her a slew of paperwork to review and sign before handing it off to Matt to sign.

Slim smiled suddenly after having pulled her phone out of her purse.

"Oh Cal's so sweet," she said, "He's going to take me out sailing tomorrow. We're going to go out to Catalina for lunch."

Pam sighed.

"He's such a romantic," she said, "Not that I'd ever complain…I mean things have been going so great with Nick."

Slim winked at her.

"After you took my advice about using those body oils," she said, "good for turning a man into putty in your hands."

C.J. looked at both women, happiness etched on their features. Both of them had struggled to find men who would accept them for the wonderful women that both were, and she was happy for both of them.

Sometimes she wondered why it had never been easy for her.

Oh, she had her relationships with men and some of them had been rather intense. But when they deepened to the point of where decisions had to be made about where they would go, she'd back away from them. She'd last gone out with Jerry, who had swept her off her feet at a party, literally in fact after she had nearly fallen into a fountain where…well you had to be there. But just when things had gotten more serious between them, his company offered him a promotion and a transfer to its Zurich branch.

Then there had been Leo who had been a professional baseball player who had been targeted by extortionists. They had gone out a few times working around his away schedule until he got returned to Triple A on the other side of the country.

"C.J…so you got anyone in mind to take to the medallion ball…

* * *

She blinked her eyes and she was dressed in black standing next to Chris at a funeral that had just finished. Most of the other guests had filed away back to their cars leaving her alone with her friend by the coffin. Soon, it would be lowered into the hole and buried with fresh earth that would soon be topped off with green grass and a marker.

Carl had died on a lonely street not long after his car had broken down. They'd been laughing inside together and he'd been just about to tell him something…god what had it been, the look on his face had been so earnest even as they had been in a light mood after leaving the award ceremony. But then the car broke down and just when they'd decided to wait out the call for triple A together, Too-Mean had come in his jalopy to pick her up.

She had wanted Carl to go with her…but he wouldn't leave his car alone to get stolen so he had stayed while she had left. They'd kissed goodbye and she had told him coffee with a nip of brandy would be waiting for him.

Maybe when they settled back inside together he could finish with what he'd wanted to say. But instead, she'd waited and waited after sending Too-Mean away until Lt. Hoyt had called her. She knew when she heard his voice after picking up the phone that it'd be tragic news.

The worst kind because she'd loved Carl in ways she didn't know until his death hit her hard. His quiet strength and quirky sense of humor, the way he held her when they kissed. She had woken up that morning realizing that he just might…maybe be a keeper.

Now she stood with Chris wearing her black dress, a simple string of pearls around her neck as the minister picked up his materials and prepared to leave them. She had wanted to go too but she just couldn't…she stood there frozen.

"C.J…"

She didn't need to turn around to know it was Matt coming to check on her. He'd been by her side since she'd pushed Carl's killer, a disturbed man who had stalked her off the ridge near his cabin. She had leaned on him then feeling she needed something to hold onto or she'd break apart.

"Just tell me when you're ready to leave…"

She dabbed at her eyes before turning around to face him.

"I'm ready Houston…I just had to say goodbye."

Her voice had trembled slightly and he had moved closer to them to slide his arms around her to hug her close to him. So close, she smelled his favorite cologne, and she hugged him back.

"I know…I know…"

And she knew he understood better than anyone. Because not too long ago, it had been her holding tightly to him while he wept openly in her embrace, after his fiancée had been murdered by a shadowy serial killer.

Life had been good to both of them but it had its cruel moments too. It gave and it took and sometimes, it overwhelmed her like it had when Carl had been murdered.

But she held on anyway and eventually she had loved again.

* * *

She blinked her eyes and she lay in a hospital bed, her shoulder aching and her heart breaking because she knew that he was gone. He had brought her here risking arrest for a murder she knew he hadn't committed. There were moments he had been so unsure of himself that she had wept for him. She felt that sadness breaking through her mental fog from being medicated, and a hint of anger too…because if she didn't feel that, she'd feel the icy fear instead.

That he might be killed either by the ones he hunted or the ones who hunted him. That he'd be out there loss, a fugitive forever and forced to live in the shadows…and she'd never see him again. She had implored him with everything she had inside of her to run back into the burning building to get the evidence that would clear him, that would end this nightmare. But damn, if the adrenalin of their narrow escape hadn't ebbed away enough for the pain to stab her shoulder where a bullet had struck.

Then when he saw the blood that had been the moment he had revved up the car and took off to find the surgeon who'd save her life.

"He got away…"

She opened her eyes at the sound of the gravelly voice and saw Hoyt standing there, his hand resting on her unmarred shoulder.

"That's what I told them anyway," he said, "I hope I don't live to regret it."

She wanted to thank him but her throat felt parched, her mouth dry and he had sat down in an empty chair with her for a while.

Then she had closed her eyes and opened them again to see Matt looking down at her, his face growing a beard and a smile reaching his eyes.

"Hey you…you're awake."

She felt one of his hands reaching for one of hers and once he found it, he used his other hand to stroke her neck, brushing aside some tubing.

"What happened….god I feel like I got hit by a charging horse."

His smile widened and she saw that he looked exhausted.

"You were shot…by the cultists but the doctor says you'll be just fine."

She saw in a flash how worried he had been, his face creased with lines that told her that he'd come close to losing her, close enough to scare him.

"I know…you were with me."

She felt the grip on her hand tighten and then she closed her eyes again, drifting back to sleep. Knowing that the man who held onto her hand would ground her.

* * *

"So you think he'll really go through with it?"

C.J. sat in the lounge in the office suite and watched as Chris poured them both glasses of wine. They'd both been working late. Matt hadn't been around all day because he'd been busy wrapping up a case so he could start preparing for his nuptials with Elizabeth.

"Yeah…I think he might actually get married this time…"

Chris sat back on a nearby chair and handed C.J. a glass.

"I can't believe it…how long did he know this chick anyway," she said, "Didn't they meet like a month ago."

"Two…"

"Well you know what I mean…I had no idea she would even come back or he'd propose to her," Chris said, "She just seemed like another woman he'd rescued."

In a long line of them, thought C.J. Not that he hadn't rescued him a time or two but she'd rescued him back. They were partners in that sense, and their businesses had thrived because of it. But now…after her conversation with his uncle Roy, she wondered if everything would change.

Roy had asked her if she might be jealous and her first reaction had been of course to deny it. How silly would that be? She wasn't jealous, she couldn't be jealous of her best friend. All she had ever wanted him to be was happy.

She had just always hoped…

"I wanted it to be me that made him happy."

Chris tossed her a look.

"Huh?"

C.J. sipped from her glass.

"I've got to go talk to him," she said, "Tell him how I feel about this…about what it's going to do to the firm."

Chris nodded.

"Yeah you go girl…tell him how you feel," she said, "and this time don't chicken out."

C.J. bristled. That wasn't what she had meant. She didn't want to go to his house in Malibu and tell him not to marry Elizabeth because she…no she wasn't going to interfere with his plans for his happiness. She just wanted to know if this would change their own partnership.

Would it move along seamlessly as it had always done or would everything change?

"He means more to me than anything."

Chris finished her wine and then looked at her.

"Tell him that…don't tell me…I'm done hearing about it."

C.J. sighed, putting her own glass down. Yeah that was what she would do. She would get into her car and drive to his beach house and she would tell him…everything except…no everything. Not to marry the heiress he'd known all of two months but…damn why was this so difficult?

Chris harrumphed.

"You're over thinking it C.J. as usual. You want him. I'm sure he wants you too. He's just marrying her because she needs him."

Maybe, C.J. thought but maybe that was enough. Still, she got off the couch to get her car keys. Then the phone rang. She picked it up and heard Matt on the other end.

"What is it Houston?"

He paused and she waited.

"I needed to talk to you about the catering…"

And then her mind left the conversation and she realized that it didn't what she said to him. His heart was set on the Irish heiress who he clearly loved. So she forced back all her emotions and then steeled her heart.

"Yes Houston…I'll be right over…."

And she knew she would be because they were best friends after all. That would just have to be enough. But someplace deep inside her, she hoped life would give her another chance.


End file.
